8 Ways You’re Wasting Your Life

8 Ways You’re Wasting Your Life

One of the hardest challenges we face in life is to simply live in our own skin – to just be right here, right now, regardless of where we are.  Too often we needlessly distract ourselves with anything and everything: food, booze, shopping, television, tabloid news, online social networks, video games, cell phones, iPods, etc. – basically anything to keep us from being fully present in the current moment.

We use compulsive work, compulsive exercise, compulsive love affairs, and the like, to escape from ourselves and the realities of living.  In fact, many of us will go to great lengths to avoid the feeling of being alone in an undistracted environment.  So we succumb to hanging-out with just about anybody to avoid the feeling of solitude.  For being alone means dealing with our true feelings: fear, anxiety, happiness, anger, joy, resentment, disappointment, anticipation, sadness, excitement, despair, and so on and so forth.

And it doesn’t really matter if our feelings are positive or negative – they are overwhelming and exhausting, and so we prefer to numb ourselves to them.  The bottom line is that every one of us is an addict, and what we are addicted to is avoiding ourselves.  Acknowledging this addiction is the first step to healing it.  So begin today by just noticing with curiosity, and without judgment, all of the ways in which you avoid being in your own skin, right here, right now, in this present moment we call life.

Here are eight reasons so many of us miss out on life as it’s happening.

1. The fear of missing out. – If you feel anxious because you constantly feel like you’re missing out on something happening somewhere else, you’re not alone.  We all feel this way sometimes.  But let me assure you,you could run around trying to do everything, and travel around the world, and always stay connected, and work and party all night long without sleep, but you could never do it all.  You will always be missing something.  So let it go, and realize you have everything right now.  The best in life isn’t somewhere else; it’s right where you are, at this moment.  Celebrate the perhaps not altogether insignificant fact that you are alive right now.  This moment, and who you are, is absolutely perfect.  Take a deep breath, smile, and notice how lovely it is.  Read The Power of Now.
2. Avoiding pain and defeat. – Not to spoil the ending for you, but everything is going to be OK – you just need to learn a lesson or two first.  Don’t run from the realities of the present moment.  The pain and defeat contained within is necessary to your long-term growth.  Remember, there is a difference between encountering defeats and being defeated.  Nothing ever goes away until it teaches you what you need to know, so you can move on to the next step.
3. Holding on to what’s no longer there. – Some of us spend the vast majority of our lives recounting past memories, and letting them steer the course of the present.  Don’t waste your time trying to live in another time and place.  Let the past, go.  You must accept the end of something in order to begin to build something new.  So close some old doors today.  Not because of pride, inability or egotism, but simply because you’ve entered each one of them in the past and realize that they lead to nowhere.
4. Retelling a self-defeating story. – If we continue to repeat a story in our head, we eventually believe that story and embrace it – whether it empowers us or not.  So the question is: Does your story empower you?  Don’t place your mistakes on your mind, their weight may crush your current potential.  Instead, place them under your feet and use them as a platform to view the horizon.  Remember, all things are difficult before they are easy.  What matters the most is what you start doing now.  ReadAwaken the Giant Within.
5. Attempting to fit in by becoming someone else. – The hardest battle you’re ever going to fight is the battle to be you, just the way you are in this moment.  We cannot find ourselves if we are always searching for, or morphing into, someone else.  In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your awesome self.  Be your own kind of beautiful right now, in the way only you know how.
6. The picture in your head of how it’s supposed to be. – What often screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be.  Although every good thing has an end, in life every ending is just a new beginning.  Life goes on – not always the way we had envisioned it would be, but always the way it’s supposed to be.  Remember, we usually can’t choose the music life plays for us, but we can choose how we dance to it.  Read The Last Lecture.
7. Berating yourself for not being perfect. – Don’t be too hard on yourself.  There are plenty of people willing to do that for you.  Do your best and surrender the rest.  Tell yourself, “I am doing the best I can with what I have in this moment.  And that is all I can expect of anyone, including me.”  Love yourself and be proud of everything that you do, even your mistakes.  Because even mistakes mean you’re trying.
8. Waiting, and then waiting some more. – Stop waiting for tomorrow; you will never get today back.  It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past.  It doesn’t matter how low or unworthy you feel right now.  The simple fact that you’re alive makes you worthy.  Life is too short for excuses.  Stop settling.  Stop procrastinating.  Start today by taking one courageous step forward.  If you are not sure exactly which way to go, it is always wise to follow your heart.

Nothing is ever solved, or created, by standing still

Nothing is ever solved, or created, by standing still.

Movement is the process of the Universe. So move.
Do something. Anything. But do not stand still.
Do not remain"on the horns of a dilemma."  Do not fence sit.

Put your foot down on one side or the other,
swing the opposite leg over and start walking.
You'll know before you take ten steps if
you're going in the right direction.

Not to decide is to decide.
Try to not make choices by default.

10 Things I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago

10 Things I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago

Stay in tune with your spirit.  Be calm and think.  Listen to your inner voice.  Anticipate and plan.  Take 100% responsibility for your life.  Lean into your struggles.  Act with courage.  Maintain an open mind.  Practice kindness and compassion.  Keep your promises.  Forgive, let go, and move forward.  This is how you get from where you are to where you want to be.

I’ve learned these concepts gradually over the last decade.  Together they have helped me live a life of purpose.  Had I understood these things 10 years ago, I could have avoided quite a bit of confusion and grief.  So today I figured I’d share a few more things I wish I had known sooner.  My hope is that they help you hurdle over some of the barriers I stumbled into on the road of life.

1. Loving someone should not mean losing YOU. – True love empowers you, it doesn’t erase you.  True love allows human beings to build amazing things, by working together through passion, kindness, and good will.  So be strong enough to stand alone, be yourself enough to stand apart, but be wise enough to share your love and stand together when the time comes.  Read The Mastery of Love.
2. Getting even doesn’t help you get ahead. – You will never get ahead of anyone as long as you try to get even with them.  Sometimes we don’t forgive people because they deserve it.  We forgive them because they need it, because we need it, and because we cannot move forward without it.  To forgive is to rediscover the inner peace and purpose that at first you thought someone took away when they betrayed you.
3. You attract what you show to the world. – So if you want it, reflect it.  Happiness, freedom, and peace of mind are always attained by givingthem out to others without expectation.  The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are eventually helped.  You have two hands; one to help yourself, the second to help those around you.
4. Failure is success when you learn from it. – Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.  Obstacles can’t stop you.  Problems can’t stop you.  Other people can’t stop you.  These barriers are temporary – they come and go.  Which is why, over the course of a lifetime, the only barrier that can truly stop you, is YOU.  So don’t give up.  Sometimes you have to journey through hell on Earth to find heaven on Earth.
5. You are not what you have done, but what you have overcome. – All the hardships.  All the mistakes.  All the rejections.  All the pain.  All the times you questioned why.  All of these things have given birth to the wisdom and strength that will help you shine your light on the world, even in the darkest of hours.  Read Emotional Freedom.
6. Your past can only hurt you today if you let it. – Do not pay any attention to what the past whispers if all it’s doing is bad-mouthing what today has to offer.  There are times when you need to release the bitterness and grab a firm hold of happiness, without permission and without reason.  The only way to get over the past is to leave it behind.  If you spend your time re-living moments that are gone forever, you might miss the special moments that are yet to come.
7. It’s never too late to become the person you are capable of being. – Repeat after me: “I AM FREE.”  You can fulfill your life purpose by starting here, in this moment.  The purpose of life is not to simply be happy, but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to make some kind of difference that you have lived at all.  Remember, life is constant change, but growth is optional.  Choose wisely, starting now.
8. Passion is important. – If you are trapped between your dreams and what other people think is right for you, always travel the route that makes you happy – unless you want everybody to be happy, except you.  And whatever you do, don’t chase the money.  Catch up to the ideas and activities that make you come alive.  Go for the things of greater value – the things money can’t buy – and use them to create a relevant profession.  Read Quitter.
9. The pain is worth it. – You can’t really begin to appreciate life until it has knocked you down a few times.  You can’t really begin to appreciate love until your heart has been broken.  You can’t really begin to appreciate happiness until you’ve known sadness.  You have to struggle up the mountainside to appreciate the breathtaking view at the mountaintop.
10. Sometimes what you don’t want is what you need. – Sometimes the things you can’t change end up changing you for the better.  Master your responses to external events; don’t always attempt to control them.  You will rarely end up exactly where you wanted to go, but you will always end up exactly where you need to be.

10 Actions that Always Bring Happiness

POST WRITTEN BY: MARC

10 Actions that Always Bring Happiness

It’s important to make someone happy, and it’s important to start with yourself.  Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design into the present.

Starting today…

1. Appreciate what you have. – If we counted our blessings instead of our money, we would all be a lot richer.  Happiness is there if you want it to be.  You just have to see that it’s wrapped in beauty and hidden delicately between the seconds of your life.  If you never stop for a minute to notice, you might miss it.  Read The Happiness Project.
2. Focus on things that truly matter. – The simple fact that you are even here, alive, on this planet is a divine miracle, and you should not spend the time you have being busy, being miserable.  Every moment you get is a gift, so stop focusing on unhappy things, and spend your moments on things that truly matter to your heart.
3. Define your own meaning of life, and pursue it. – What is the meaning of life?  Whatever you want it to be.  Don’t fear failure; fear alifetime of mediocrity due to lack of effort and commitment.  There are so many people out there who will tell you that you CAN’T.  What you need to do is turn around and say, “Watch me!”
4. Embrace life’s challenges. – You may think that taking a detour in life is a waste of time and energy, but you can also see the detour as a means of learning more about who you are and where you are heading in your life.  Being off the beaten path may be disorienting and confusing at times, yet it challenges your creative spirit to discover new ways to build a stronger YOU.  In the end, it’s usually the tough situations that feel like your tomb that actually become your cocoon.  Hang in there.  You’re coming out of this stronger and wiser.
5. Find the balance that allows you to be who you truly are. – Your worst battle is between what you know and what you feel.  One of the hardest decisions you will ever have to make is when to stay put and try harder or when to just take your memories and move on.  Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you are capable of being, and the person you truly are.
6. Love your body enough to take care of it. – You’re beautiful; but keep in mind that not everyone is going to see that.  Never be ashamed of yourself because you are born into one skin.  You can scar it, stretch it, burn it, mark it, tan it, and peel it.  But you are always in it, so you might as well take care of it and learn to love it.  Read The 4-Hour Body.
7. Limit your time with negative people. – You can’t make positive choices for the rest of your life without an environment that makes those choices easy, natural, and enjoyable.  So protect your spirit and potential from contamination by limiting your time with negative people.
8. Treat others the way you want to be treated. – Be conscious of your attitude and your actions.  You may be on top of the world right now – feeling untouchable.  You may have all the tools at your disposal to do and say whatever you want.  But remember, life is a circle – what goes around, comes around eventually.
9. Set a good example. – If you want to empower others in your life, you need to start living the most empowered version of yourself first.  You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.  Believe in what you want so much that it has no choice but to become your reality.  And don’t ever compare yourself to anyone else; stay focused on your own journey and leave footprints behind.  Read The Four Agreements.
10. Accept what is, and live for the possibilities that lie ahead. – Never waste your time wondering about what might have been.  Get busy thinking about what still might be, and trusting that however it plays out, it will leave you glad that what might have been, never came to be.

9 Ways to Become an Optimist

POST WRITTEN BY: ANGEL

9 Ways to Become an Optimist

Optimist:  Person who travels on nothing
from nowhere to happiness.
–Mark Twain

Some people are more optimistic by nature, but optimism is not a fixed attribute.  It’s a choice we have control over.  Every morning, we either choose to wake up grumpy or wake up with a positive outlook.  Research has shown that, in the long run, optimistic people handle stress better, get sick less often, live longer, and are happier and more successful than their pessimistic counterparts.

The good news is that we can all develop skills to improve optimism.  Here are nine ideas to get you started:

1.  Find the opportunity in every difficulty.

‘Optimist’ is a word which here refers to a person who focuses on the positive.  For instance, if an optimist lost her left arm in a car accident, she might say in a hopeful voice, “I’m alive.  I don’t have my left arm anymore, but I do have my right one, and my life still to live.”

Optimism does not mean ignoring the problem entirely; it means understanding that setbacks are inevitable, often temporary, and that you have the skills and abilities to combat the challenges you face.  What you are dealing with may be difficult, but it is important to remain hopeful and positive about a brighter future.  Optimism will inspire a sense of hopefulness and the confidence that is required to take full advantage of the opportunities that do exist.  Remember, the most beautiful rainbows come from the sunlight after a very dark storm. Read Full Catastrophe Living.

2.  Surround yourself with positive people.

You are only as good as the company you keep.  If you’re around gloomy people, there’s a good chance you won’t to be smiling.  Make it your mission to dodge negativity.  Surround yourself with supportive friends who have positive outlooks.  As they say, if you want to soar with the eagles, you have to stop hanging out with the ducks.

Optimism is a learned habit, and it is positively contagious.  Surround yourself with people who could infect you with positivity.  In turn pass your new good mood on to a friend or stranger in words and deed – let somebody have that parking space, let that person with only a few items cut in front of you at the market.  The simple act of doing something nice for others is actually a good pick-me-up all by itself.

3.  Give love, receive love, and invest in love.

LOVE:  It’s the greatest force in the universe.  It’s a treasure that people would give anything for, yet it costs nothing to give and receive. There is an endless supply, and it can be extended to family, friends and strangers at any moment.  It increases positivity and acts like a shield against negativity.  It forgives, heals, encourages and inspires.

Give love, receive love and invest in love every day.  Because where you invest your love, you invest your life.

4.  Be realistic, and expect ups and downs.

A foundation of realism keeps things in perspective, and helps prevent things from being blown out of proportion.  Just because you’re an optimist doesn’t mean you’re not going to have bad days.  You will – that’s reality.  Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies.

Trying to be 100% positive all the time is wanting to be an ocean in which waves only rise up and never come crashing down.  However, when we recognize that the rising and crashing waves are part of the same one ocean, we are able to let go and be at peace with the way things are.

Bottom line:  Prepare for the worst but hope for the best – the former makes you sensible, and the latter makes you an optimist.  Read Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality.

5.  Inspire yourself with a smile and positive reminders.

If you expect the worst, the worst will happen.  If you let things bother you, they will.  But if you smile, you’ll feel better.  Studies have shown that putting a cheerful smile on your face can trigger a part of your brain that actually makes you feel happier and more optimistic about the present and future.

Also, feed your optimism with positive reminders.  Write down short statements that inspire optimism.  Put them in places where you’ll see them every day, such as on your bathroom mirror, the inside of your locker, and on your computer monitor.

• “Anything is possible.”
• “Lead a life of positivity.”
• “The only thing I can control is my attitude towards life.”
• “I always have a choice.”
• “Even the longest journey begins with a single step.”
• “I will look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism shine.”

Read The Happiness Project.

6.  Work on the things you can control.

Pessimism is impractical because it causes you to spend time dwelling on negative things that haven’t happened yet, while simultaneously preventing you from getting things done now.  Pessimism breeds indecision.  It’s a waste of time, and time is a limited resource that you can’t afford to take for granted.  Every minute spent worrying guarantees nothing but less time to enjoy what life has to offer.

The solution?  Acknowledge the things you can’t control and don’t become a victim.  Stop thinking about what is happening to you, and start thinking about what you can do to make it better.  Know that you almost always have a choice. Is your job a bummer?  Find a new one.  Not ready to leave because of your 401K and vacation time?  Then celebrate those reasons and remember that you chose to stay.

7.  Count your blessings.

There is so much good, so much beauty, so much love in your life.  You have so much right now to be thankful for, you just need to pause long enough to appreciate it.  Do so.  This will help frame a better attitude and take your mind off of the negatives.

Start a feel-good journal.  Buy a blank journal and fill it with things that make you smile, like a photo of your pet, or a compliment a friend gave you.  Use it to track your accomplishments and celebrate your victories.  Stick only positive things in your journal and open it up whenever you’re feeling down.

8.  Appreciate that nothing in life is permanent.

Research has shown that optimists and pessimists attribute the reasons for success and failure differently.  Pessimists tend to attribute negative events to permanent, personal, and pervasive factors.  Optimists tend to attribute negative events to non-personal, non-permanent, and non-pervasive factors.  ‘Permanent’ are factors that will be with you throughout life; ‘personal’ are factors that relate to us as individuals; and ‘pervasive’ are factors that affect our ability in other parts of our life.

Bottom line:  Nothing is permanent.  However good or bad a situation is now, it will change.

9.  Focus on the present.

People often obsess themselves with the past and the future.  But life is happening right now.  You can’t learn something or remember something that’s happening now if your mind is stuck in another time.

It takes about eight seconds of intense focus to process a new piece of information into your long-term memory.  So don’t let your life and your mind slip away.  Instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, practice being and living in the present moment.  Remember, right now is the only moment guaranteed to you.  Right now is life.  Don’t miss it.

11 Things You Forget You’re Doing Wrong

POST WRITTEN BY: MARC

11 Things You Forget You’re Doing Wrong

Don’t forget, when you stop doing the wrong things, the right things eventually catch you.

So make sure you’re not…

1. Making blind judgments. – Don’t always judge a person by what they show you.  What you’ve seen is oftentimes only what that person has chosen to show you, or what they were driven to show based on their inner stress and pain.  Too often we jump to conclusions, only to cause ourselves and others unnecessary worry, hurt, and anger.  So exercise restraint, be kind, and save the jumping for joy.
2. Expecting people to be perfect. – When you open up to love, you must be open up to getting hurt as well.  If you expect to love someone, and not have disappointment every now and then, then you don’t want love, you want something perfect that doesn’t exist.  When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can start appreciating them for who they truly are.  Read The 5 Love Languages.
3. Focusing on everything and everyone except YOU. – Make the world a better place one person at a time, and start with YOU.  If you’relooking out into the world to find where your purpose resides, stop, and look inside instead.  Look at who you already are, the lifestyle you choose to live, and what makes you come alive.  Then nurture these things and let them grow until your current life can no longer contain them.  And finally, as you’re being forced to grow, follow them into the world with courage, trusting that where they will take you will be where your purpose finds its home.
4. Holding on to the wrong things for too long. – To let go isn’t to forget.  Letting go involves cherishing the memories, overcoming the obstacles, and moving on.  To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and helped you learn and grow.  It’s the acceptance of everything you have, everything you once had, and the possibilities that lie ahead.  It’s all about finding the strength to embrace life’s changes and continue taking positive steps forward.
5. Denying your mistakes. – Mistakes are almost always forgivable if you have the courage to admit them.  You have to be courageous and wise enough to know that if what you are doing isn’t producing the desired results, you must take different actions.  Sometimes falling flat on your face is exactly what’s needed to help you see things from a totally different perspective, and get back on track.  Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
6. Avoiding your fears. – Go to your fears, sit with them, and stare at them.  Your fears are your friend; their only job is to show you undeveloped parts of yourself that you need to cultivate to live a happy life.  The more you do the things you’re most afraid of doing, the more life opens up.  Embrace your fears and your fears will embrace you.
7. Accepting less than you know you deserve. – Do not sacrifice your heart or your dignity.  Love yourself enough to never lower your standards for the wrong reasons.  Do not get so anxious for something that you’ll accept anything.  Hold to your standards and be willing to walk away, with your head held high.
8. Storing mental clutter. – Just as you don’t move from one home to another without first sorting through what you’ve gathered over the years, throwing away what is broken and no longer useful, so too should you do the same with what you’ve mentally gathered, before you move on.  Do some sorting, throw away regrets and old pains, and take only the treasures worth keeping: The lessons, the love, and the best of what you’ve lived.
9. Worrying about things that can’t be changed. – One of the happiest moments ever is when you feel the courage to let go of what you can’t change.  Refuse to ruin a perfectly good today by thinking about a bad yesterday.  The past cannot be changed, forgotten, or erased.  However, the lessons learned can prepare you for a brighter tomorrow. Read The Power of Now.
10. Letting hope gradually slip away. – Every mistake, breakup, and setback in life is an opportunity to do it better next time.  So keep your head held high.  We can live without a lot of things, but hope isn’t one of them.  Cultivate hope by latching onto stories of triumph, and words that inspire.  But most of all, listen to the quiet whisper of your inner strength when it tells you that this is only temporary, and that you will get through this stronger than you were before.
11. Thinking it’s too late. – Whether you know it or not the rest of your life is being shaped right now.  You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices, or you can fight back.  Things aren’t always going to be fair in the real world; that’s just the way it is.  But for the most part you get what you give.  The rest of your life is being shaped by the goals you chase, the choices you make, and the actions you take.  The rest of your life is a long time, and it starts right now.