Study advises parents not to talk to kids about pot smoking past

Study advises parents not to talk to kids about pot smoking past By JOANNE RICHARD, Special to QMI Agency

(Fotolia) New research shows that retelling your past drug and alcohol experiences to your adolescent children is possibly a bad idea. A study by The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign found that kids whose parents spilled the beans were less likely to hold anti-substance abuse perceptions. “Why would we tell them our gory or law-breaking behaviours of the past? What good would possibly come from that except maybe a release of guilt for the parent?” says teen expert Mary Jo Rapini. “They may tell themselves that you did it so it’s okay for them to. Remember our kids use us as a guide for what is the norm for them,” she says. Dr. Wendy Walsh agrees: “Teens look up to parents. Their attitude may very well be: Well, my parents tried it and they turned out fine.” Double standards - do what I say, not as I do - never work, says Walsh. “If they know you did drugs, that will be more powerful than your verbal warnings.” Frequent marijuana smoking amongst teens is up 80% since 2008, according to The Partnership at Drugfree.org. Nearly one in 10 teens smoke marijuana at least 20 or more times a month. And there’s a growing perception that a little weed or a few pills is no big deal. Many parents are turning a blind eye, thinking it’s just a passing adolescent indulgence. But this isn’t the ‘60s, says Rapini. “Parents are too lax. They don’t understand the dangers of pot much like they don’t understand the danger of cyber-bullying. They equate pot use and bullying to their teen years,” says Rapini. “But the marijuana smoked today has changed and we know it changes brain chemistry.” Your job as a parent is to teach, mentor and guide your child, stresses Rapnini. “The rule of thumb is before you say anything, ask yourself who is this helping? Is this for me, or for my child? Leave your past in your past.” So should you lie when asked outright? “Omitting facts isn’t actually lying,” says Walsh. Tell them it’s “none of your business. But I make it my business to make sure you understand the consequences if you use drugs. I want you to know the physical risk and I want you to know the rules of our house, the behaviour I expect from you and the consequences if you break this rule.” Walsh says that kids need you as a role model more than they need to see you as a flawed person. “The focus should be on the consequences of drug use, not your personal experience.” On the other hand, Susan Shapiro Barash says to be honest about your past. “If you do not come clean, your child may find out one day through a mutual friend, relative and feel betrayed. This could push her/ him to dabble, almost as a rebellion.” Be sure to mention the consequences of your actions as well as what you dabbled in – include a cautionary tale, adds Shapiro, professor and author of You’re Grounded Forever… But First, Let’s Go Shopping. And don’t overshare: “Your child needs you as an adult, not a buddy.” Parents need to reinforce the message that this behaviour is unhealthy, agree experts. According to Dr. Vivian Diller, a New York psychologist, do not lie or hide the truth from your kids about your past marijuana use. Convey information about drug and alcohol use in a smart, thoughtful way and at the right time in a kid’s life, before it’s too late. Kids are starting younger with weed use and are assuming there are no negative consequences when used regularly. “In part this increase usage probably comes from lax attitudes from parents, but more than anything it comes from our culture that has made it seem acceptable.”Don’t be lulled into looking the other way regarding the risks of using marijuana. “Our more lenient attitudes will only likely increase the prevalence and potency of what is out there today… there is enough research that suggests they face potential dangers that previous generations did not.”  Tips from expert Dr. Wendy Walsh about what you can do to guide your kids about helping them make the right decisions: Have the talk. And have it early. Waiting until ninth grade is way too late. Point out negative consequences of drug use as they crop up in the news or the kids’ social circle. Decide what exactly your house rules will be and what the consequences of rule breaking will be. Follow up all threats with action. Make sure the consequences are real in your house. If all else fails, be prepared to change their peer group if necessary. That may mean you may have to move the family to a new school zone. But it’s worth it, if it means saving your child.

How Lying Affects Your Health

To tell the truth, honesty may be the best policy, for physical and mental reasons

By ANGELA HAUPT

August 20, 2012

One little white lie here. Another there. Liar, liar—no, your pants aren't going to catch on fire. So what could it hurt? Plenty, say researchers, and a new study suggests that honesty may indeed be the best policy, for both your health and well-being. Listen up, because most of us tell 11 lies a week, or one or two each day. And all that fibbing could lead to headaches, sore throats, and feeling sad and stressed.

Anita Kelly, a psychology professor at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana, spent 10 weeks tracking the health of 110 adults. She asked half of them to stop lying throughout the study period—which meant no false statements, though participants could still omit the truth, keep secrets, and dodge questions they didn't want to answer. The other folks weren't given any specific instructions about lying, though they knew they'd be reporting the number of fibs they told each week. In addition to taking a weekly lie-detector test, participants filled out questionnaires about their physical and mental health, as well as the quality of their relationships.

[See How Your Personality Affects Your Health]

The results? Both groups lied less, but those instructed to tell the truth reaped more health improvements. "We established very clearly that purposefully trying not to lie caused people to tell fewer lies," Kelly says. "When they told more lies, their health went down. And when they told the truth, it improved." In fact, telling three fewer minor lies a week translated to four fewer mental health complaints, and three fewer physical complaints. (Those in the control group who independently told fewer lies logged around two fewer health complaints each week.) Kelly speculates that's because telling the truth improves relationships, as the study participants reported. And research has long indicated that people with good relationships have better physical and mental health.

Still, there could be more to it than the relationship factor, experts contend. Research on how lying affects health is scant, but lying is thought to trigger the release of stress hormones, increasing heart rate and blood pressure. Stress reduces your body's number of infection-fighting white blood cells, and over the years, could contribute to lower-back pain, tension headaches, a rapid heartbeat, menstrual problems, and even infertility. You've probably experienced the visceral effects of lying at least once. Imagine, for example, that you're planning on lying to your boss or girlfriend tomorrow morning. "I would bet that you can feel the tension in your shoulders, in your stomach, and in other parts of your body," says Linda Stroh, a professor emeritus of organizational behavior at Loyola University in Chicago and author of Trust Rules: How to Tell the Good Guys From the Bad Guys. "You would spend a lot of time planning the lie, executing it, and maintaining it."

[See 3 Ways to Help Good Kids Make Tough Choices]

And that can be awfully draining. "It takes a lot of negative physical and mental energy to maintain a lie," Stroh says. "We have to think before we answer and we have to plan what we say and do, rather than saying and doing what comes more naturally. We waste a lot of precious time covering our tracks rather than spending that time in positive ways, doing good things."

But is giving up lies cold turkey realistic? Not necessarily, and it's certainly not easy, Kelly says. Most study participants were able to cut back to one lie a week. Especially tricky: squeezing those seemingly innocuous little white lies out of our daily lives.

At the end of the 10-week study period, Kelly asked participants to reflect on how they had managed to curb dishonest tendencies. "We didn't find that anyone was using the study to give people a piece of their mind or tell them brutal truths," she says. "They just stopped exaggerating their day-to-day accomplishments, dropped excuses that weren't true, and told partial truths instead." For example: If a participant's girlfriend changed her hairstyle and he didn't like it, he couldn't lie and say that he did. But he could vaguely tell her: "I really like the way your face looks right now."

If you're making a conscious effort to cut back on the lies, Stroh suggests seeking like-minded, honest folk. "Surround yourself with people who encourage you to be a truthful person, as opposed to those who might tell you it's OK to be untruthful," she says. "Be aware that those who lie 'with you' may lie 'to you' as well."

7 Reasons Why Coffee Is Good For You

By Kris Gunnars/ Authority NutritionPosted 02.21.2013 at 10:00 am

Coffee beans Dreamstime

Coffee isn’t just warm and energizing, it may also be extremely good for you.

In recent years and decades, scientists have studied the effects of coffee on various aspects ofhealth and their results have been nothing short of amazing.

Here are 7 reasons why coffee may actually be one of the healthiest beverages on the planet.

1. Coffee Can Make You Smarter

Coffee doesn’t just keep you awake, it may literally make you smarter as well.

The active ingredient in coffee is caffeine, which is a stimulant and the most commonly consumed psychoactive substance in the world.

Caffeine’s primary mechanism in the brain is blocking the effects of an inhibitory neurotransmitter called Adenosine.

By blocking the inhibitory effects of Adenosine, caffeine actually increases neuronal firing in the brain and the release of other neurotransmitters like dopamine and norepinephrine (1, 2).

Many controlled trials have examined the effects of caffeine on the brain, demonstrating that caffeine can improve mood, reaction time, memory, vigilance and general cognitive function (3).

Bottom Line: Caffeine potently blocks an inhibitory neurotransmitter in the brain, leading to a net stimulant effect. Controlled trials show that caffeine improves both mood and brain function.

Espresso:  Evan Swigart/Wikimedia Commons

2. Coffee Can Help You Burn Fat and Improves Physical Performance

There’s a good reason why you will find caffeine in most commercial fat burning supplements.

Caffeine, partly due to its stimulant effect on the central nervous system, both raises metabolism and increases the oxidation of fatty acids (4, 5, 6).

Caffeine can also improve athletic performance by several mechanisms, including by mobilizing fatty acids from the fat tissues (7, 8).

In two separate meta-analyses, caffeine was found to increase exercise performance by 11-12% on average (9, 10).

Bottom Line: Caffeine raises the metabolic rate and helps to mobilize fatty acids from the fat tissues. It can also enhance physical performance.

3. Coffee May Drastically Lower Your Risk of Type II Diabetes

Type II diabetes is a lifestyle-related disease that has reached epidemic proportions, having increased 10-fold in a few decades and now afflicting about 300 million people.

This disease is characterized by high blood glucose levels due to insulin resistance or an inability to produce insulin.

In observational studies, coffee has been repeatedly associated with a lower risk of diabetes. The reduction in risk ranges from 23% all the way up to 67% (11, 12, 13, 14).

A massive review article looked at 18 studies with a total of 457.922 participants. Each additional cup of coffee per day lowered the risk of diabetes by 7%. The more coffee people drank, the lower their risk (15).

Bottom Line: Drinking coffee is associated with a drastically reduced risk of type II diabetes. People who drink several cups per day are the least likely to become diabetic.

4. Coffee May Lower Your Risk of Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s

Not only can coffee make you smarter in the short term, it may also protect your brain in old age.

Alzheimer’s disease is the most common neurodegenerative disorder in the world and a leading cause of dementia.

In prospective studies, coffee drinkers have up to a 60% lower risk of Alzheimer’s and dementia (16, 17, 18).

Parkinson’s is the second most common neurodegenerative disorder, characterized by death of dopamine-generating neurons in the brain. Coffee may lower the risk of Parkinson’s by 32-60% (19, 20, 21, 22).

Bottom Line Coffee is associated with a much lower risk of dementia and the neurodegenerative disorders Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s.

5. Coffee May be Extremely Good For Your Liver

The liver is a remarkable organ that carries out hundreds of vital functions in the body.

It is very vulnerable to modern insults such as excess consumption of alcohol and fructose.

Cirrhosis is the end stage of liver damage caused by diseases like alcoholism and hepatitis, where liver tissue has been largely replaced by scar tissue.

Multiple studies have shown that coffee can lower the risk of cirrhosis by as much as 80%, the strongest effect for those who drank 4 or more cups per day (23, 24, 25).

Coffee may also lower the risk of liver cancer by around 40% (26, 27).

Bottom Line: Coffee appears to be protective against certain liver disorders, lowering the risk of liver cancer by 40% and cirrhosis by as much as 80%.

6. Coffee May Decrease Your Risk of Dying

Many people still seem to think that coffee is unhealthy.

This isn’t surprising though, since it is very common for conventional wisdom to be at exact odds with what the actual studies say.

In two very large prospective epidemiological studies, drinking coffee was associated with a lower risk of death by all causes (28).

This effect is particularly profound in type II diabetics, one study showing that coffee drinkers had a 30% lower risk of death during a 20 year period (29).

Bottom Line: Coffee consumption has been associated with a lower risk of death in prospective epidemiological studies, especially in type II diabetics.

7. Coffee is Loaded With Nutrients and Antioxidants

Coffee isn’t just black water.

Many of the nutrients in the coffee beans do make it into the final drink, which actually contains a decent amount of vitamins and minerals.

A cup of coffee contains (30):

6% of the RDA for Pantothenic Acid (Vitamin B5).
11% of the RDA for Riboflavin (Vitamin B2).
2% of the RDA for Niacin (B3) and Thiamine (B1).
3% of the RDA for Potassium and Manganese.

May not seem like much, but if you drink several cups of coffee per day then this quickly adds up.

But this isn’t all. Coffee also contains a massive amount of antioxidants.

In fact, coffee is the biggest source of antioxidants in the western diet, outranking both fruits and vegetables combined (31, 32, 33).

Bottom Line: Coffee contains a decent amount of several vitamins and minerals. It is also the biggest source of antioxidants in the modern diet.

Take Home Message

Even though coffee in moderate amounts is good for you, drinking way too much of it can still be harmful.

I’d also like to point out that many of the studies above were epidemiological in nature. Such studies can only show association, they can not prove that coffee caused the effects.

To make sure to preserve the health benefits, don’t put sugar or anything nasty in your coffee! If it tends to affect your sleep, then don’t drink it after 2pm.

At the end of the day, it does seem quite clear that coffee is NOT the villain it was made out to be.

If anything, coffee may literally be the healthiest beverage on the planet.

The Glass of Water

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?”

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!

9 Secrets from a 73-Year Marriage

By Redbook | Love + Sex – Fri, 15 Feb, 2013 10:24 AM EST

After 73 years of marriage, 94-year old Barbara Cooper knows how to get through matrimony's rough patches. The author of Fall in Love for Life shares her hard-earned wisdom. By Holly Corbett, REDBOOK.

On making time to make love
"I don't understand couples who say they are too busy or too tired to sleep together. Unless they are building roads all day or running a multi-national corporation, I expect they have just lost sight of priorities. If you wish to stay connected and happy in your marriage, my advice to you is to never be too tired or too busy to feel love for your partner. When your life is nearly over, you will regret it if you look back and recall too many nights when you made excuses instead of making love."

On bickering
"The most important thing for any couple trying to get along is to think before you speak. If you are bickering and find that you are getting angry, take a deep breath and change course, and ask your partner to do the same. Try saying something conciliatory like, 'I don't know why this is making me so upset, but it is, so can you just humor me and help me get over it?' By simply admitting you are losing your cool, you may find that the anger quickly dissipates."

On greeting your partner
"If you want your relationship to survive and to thrive, you will have to train yourself to focus most of your attention on the person you love. When your sweetheart comes into the room, whether it's just from taking care of some chores in the garage or from a long day at work, your job is to put down whatever you're doing, look him in the eye, and verbally express your delight at seeing him again. It's really so little to ask, and delivers so much - to both of you."

On having affairs
"Some people have affairs because they tell themselves that they deserve more attention than they get at home. Or maybe they get annoyed because they feel that all of their needs aren't getting met by their partner. Well, whoever told them that one person could meet their every need? You can actually live quite comfortably without having all of your needs met. Try thinking about it that way; you might be surprised how liberating it is. You are not perfect, and neither is your partner, but you can make a very pleasant life together if you are both serious about providing the love and support that go along with a marriage."

On going from lovers to parents
"It's true that when your babies are small, there isn't much time left over for romantic gestures. But the wonderful thing about romance is that it is the quality, never the quantity, that matters. So when the baby is napping, throw a blanket on the living room floor, slice some peaches or plums or whatever you have in the house, pour a glass of something bubbly, and enjoy a mini picnic. Write love notes to each other and slip them in between the clean diapers. Be creative, and if you want your love to flourish, it certainly will do so."

On overcoming money problems
"The most important ingredient for getting through tough economic times is THE TRUTH - it's so important it should be capitalized and italicized. So this means that if you have any financial secrets you are keeping from your partner, you must put them on the table. Doesn't that sound scary? I am sure it does, but as with so many unpleasant things that only get bigger and stronger in the dark, these secrets have a funny way of shrinking in the light of the truth. And as they get smaller, your stress and worry will fly away. There's never a better time to be honest with your partner and yourself and make a plan for dealing with your debts and your excess spending - together. I promise, you will not regret it."

On tuning in to your partner
"I think the place where good marriages break down is when one or both parties begin to take the other person for granted. And yet it's understandable that this happens. Life is complicated and can be exhausting, so there is always a temptation when you get home to just tune out, because home is one place where you should feel safe enough to let your guard down this way. But there's a difference between relaxing and disengaging, and while relaxing is a healthy way to recharge your psychic and spiritual batteries, disengaging is a drain on you and your relationships. Nothing is more important than that you recognize the difference and stay present for all the people you love."

On bringing up the past
"The most important lesson I can teach you from our happy marriage is that we did not rehash. If something was unpleasant, we got through it, handled the fallout, and did not bring it up again in happy times. So we both knew that once a problem was solved, that was it - we would not have to answer for it again, at least not in its current form. And knowing this, we could give all our attention to fixing the problems that came along, because once they were fixed, we could forget about them, which is a very wonderful feeling."

On controlling your anger
"Have you ever noticed that you can't spell dangerous without anger? I'm no linguist, but I don't think that's a coincidence. When you're ready to blow, you might say anything hurtful, things you would normally spare the person you love from hearing. Don't say something you'll regret forever. Don't give your partner an excuse to come back to you with his or her own resentments. Instead, find a way to get your anger under control. For myself, I simply run through my mind a short movie of how foolishly I have been acting. You may have better luck singing a silly song, or patting your head while rubbing your tummy, or doing whatever little trick helps bring you outside of yourself long enough to regain control." 

Prodigal Son by Casting Crowns

Living on my own, thinking for myself

Castles in the sand, temporary wealth

Walls are falling down, storms are closing in

Tears have filled my eyes, here I am again

And I've held out as long as I can

Now I'm letting go and holding out my hand

Daddy, here I am again

Will You take me back tonight

I went and made the world my friend

And it left me high and dry

I drag Your name back through the mud

That You first found me in

Not worthy to be called Your son

Is this to be my end

Daddy, here I am

Here I am again

Curse this morning sun

Drags me in to one more day

Of reaping what I've sown

Of living with my shame

Welcome to my world

And the life that I have made

Where one day you're a prince

The next day you're a slave

And I've held out as long as I can

Now I'm letting go and holding out my hand

Daddy, here I am again

Will You take me back tonight

I went and made the world my friend

And it left me high and dry

I drag Your name back through the mud

That You first found me in

Not worthy to be called Your son

Is this to be my end

Daddy, here I am

Here I am again

And I've held out as long as I can

Now I'm letting go and holding out my hand

Daddy, here I am again

Will You take me back tonight

I went and made the world my friend

And it left me high and dry

I drag Your name back through the mud

That You first found me in

Not worthy to be called Your son

Is this to be my end

Daddy, here I am

Here I am again.

Don't you worry Child

There was a time, I used to look into my father's eyes

In a happy home, I was a king I had a golden throne

Those days are gone, now the memories are on the wall

I hear the sounds from the places where I was born

Up on the hill across the blue lake,

That's where I had my first heart break

I still remember how it all changed

My father said

Don't you worry, don't you worry child

See heaven's got a plan for you

Don't you worry, don't you worry now

Yeah!

Don't you worry, don't you worry now

See heaven's got a plan for you

Don't you worry, don't you worry now

Yeah!

There was a time, I met a girl of a different kind

We ruled the world,

Thought I'll never lose her out of sight, 

We were so young

I think of her now and then

I Still hear the songs, reminding me of a friend

Up on the hill across the blue lake,

That's where I had my first heart break

I still remember how it all changed

My father said

Don't you worry, don't you worry child

See heaven's got a plan for you

Don't you worry, don't you worry now

Yeah!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

See heaven's got a plan for you

Don't you worry, don't you worry child

See heaven's got a plan for you

Don't you worry, don't you worry now

Yeah!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Yeah!